School Fights and You Tube

Remember the days you would hear about a fight afterschool and a crowd would gather to watch the fallout? We were only watching, no problem. That is no longer the case. in fact the school takes these voyeur's activities very seriously and investigates to determine whether or not they were instigators. The big concern is that boys and girls are being manipulated and pushed into fighting so that others can capture the fight on video and post it on You Tube. Can you believe it? To proactively try and get others to fight for your own benefit is beyond my comprehension. In many cases the two boys fighting don't really know each other and may have had one little disagreement. Often times the instigator will go to one of the boys and say "so and so wants to fight you now" and it goes back and forth until they are pressured into agreeing to fight. Start early and talk to your children while in grade school so they can anticipate these situations and find a way out. It will also help ensure that they don't get dragged into being instigators.

Teen Pregnancy

I was speaking with a local doctor who mentioned that the rates of teen pregnancy are very high in my town. So I asked Jimmy and Matts about it? Do they know anyone at highschool who is pregnant? "yeah, last year both Carrie and Courtney had babies last year. St. J's finest....." I asked who the fathers were. "I dunno know" How can you not know, this would have been major gossip when I was in school. "No one cares, Mom". Wow. No significant stigma attached to teen pregnancy. Maybe the fathers don't even know. Maybe it is easier for the girl's families to just deal with it on their own. Anyway it gave me the opportunity to talk about never leaving the responsibility of birth control in the girl's hands and consequences for those poor girls and the fathers and respective families.

World of Warcraft and other such nonsense

TV used to be the nemesis of parents. No more- now we have computer games. I have tried to be understanding. I have done research. There is alot of research saying that in fact playing computer games is not an anti-social activity but in fact it brings kids together. They have a common talking point at school. Ok, that makes sense but I swear it is addictive!! Is there some background flashing light hypnotizing them to play more. It sure seems like it. I have made rules, homework first. That changed to homework first, play outside then computer games. That had to be changed to no computer games during the week- period. The problem is I am not always home right after school and occassionally I will go out on a weeknight. I would come home and they would be on the computer "doing schoolwork" Funny how they clicked out of a screen as I came in. I have now done what I never wanted to do. I have physicially restricted access. I have always believed that you could work with children to help lead them to make the right choices. Not in this case, I have caved and got my husband to block the IP site on weekdays. There done....

Getting a job

One of the things parents forget is how difficult it is for a child to do something new. You may be lucky and have a child that is a true go getter, lots of self confidence and initiative. But for the most part teens need alot of support. They need to be walked through the process of finding a job. Some tasks they may be able to complete with no help from you and others will require that you put your heads together. Job hunting is one of those tasks. How do they write a resume when they have never held a job before? With my youngest son, we included odd jobs he had done for neighbours, his acheivement and commitment to sport, any volunteer work. The key was writing a covering letter and describing why he would make a great employee even though he has no experience. So we did this and then I drove him door to door- bulk barn, grocery stores, retail stores, McDonalds etc. It was discouraging many places told him to come back when he was 16, but it was a great experience. That is how it is in life, don't take it personally and keep at it. His break came at McDonalds. The son of the manager knew Bobby even though the son was several years younger. This got Bobby through the door and he is now employed with McDonalds. I didn't know much about McDonalds as an employer but I can tell you I am extremely impressed. They don't expect the teens to work long shifts or even many shifts- school comes first. Very smart business model, the kids also won't get burned out and they will have experience and some pocket money. I have much more respect for McDonalds as an organization now

Internet Bullying-Crimestoppers???

Has anyone noticed the new ads on TV re internet bullying? They are asking children to report any incidences of internet bullying to crimestoppers? I know internet bullying is a serious issue and one that as parents we need to stop- but crime stoppers? I was shocked. I think as parents we need to teach our children as soon as they start using the computer or cell phone that all of their actions can be tracked, that writing mean things to people over the internet or texting is a crime that can be punished by the police. Tell the real stories that you have heard about. I know that when my oldest son was in grade 8 a few years ago, a girl in his class was charged with internet bullying. She was a nice girl, who tended to be a leader. She did have a few incidents with manipulating and making others follow her lead- but basically she was a good kid from a nice family. Anyway the case went to court and she ended with community service. I was naive to this prior to that. I figured it was an issue that would be dealt with between parents. Now they are advertising to go straight to crimestoppers. Computer proof your preteens and teens!

Condoms in the Yard

My aunt who is a pediatrician warned me that kids are having sex at a very young age now. 11-12 yrs old. I was told not to be naive with respect to my childrens activity.
I really believe that my boys are not having sex. There are no signs, not enough contact from girls, at home alot etc. Still.... time to have the talk again and condoms would be a good idea. So I went out to Costco and bought a mega size box of condoms. My husband disappeared to his office again with the comment "are you crazy?" I sat Jimmy down (this was when he was 13) and had the talk again. I re-emphasized that he cannot trust that a girl is taking precautions ie she could forget to take a pill etc. Then there is the issue of STD's. Yada, yada.. Then I produced the mega box of condoms. "Mom are you kidding me?" No, this is serious. I don't approve of sex so early in your life. I think that you need to really consider the emotional impact it has on a teenage girl and even if they say they are ready are they really?? Or are they going to be devastated when you break up if you have had sex. Anyway, the reality is that I want to be sure that you are protected. So here are condoms so you have access and by the way the expiry date is on the box 2017- So you don't have to start using these for a longtime!! Much to my suprise he beetled off with the box, I thought he would be embarrassed and refuse. Two days later I come home from work and my yard is filled with broken condoms. Apparently they were blowing them up and trying to make water balloons. Sigh of relief he was too young....

Family Bike Ride

Great idea- lets go for a bike ride as a family. No one had plans so this should be a good idea. Apparently not, but I forced it on them. I dangled a bike ride to dairy queen, dinner etc. The 16 yr old was sulky to say the least, he dragged behind us. When I asked him to keep up, he got snarky- look at my bike, the springs and the wheels this is a mountain bike how can I keep up??? Hmm, your brother has the same bike and he is ahead of us.... Anyway we made it to a nice resort outside of town and had dinner on a deck overlooking the pond. Halfway through dinner Jimmy started warming up. The ride home was a different story, all of a sudden Jimmy's bike was performing- go figure. The testosterone kicked in and he was bumping his brother's tire, which caused some high pitched outcrys. A nice steep downhill set the mood. He got bored with stalking his brother and decided to have me face some of my fears on the bike path, a few close calls with coming to close to me, a couple of cut offs and he was back to his regular teenage self. Nothing like a nice family bike ride........

Gotcha!

Like any other parent I buy treats for my kids and for myself. I often hide my treats from my kids. I struggle with maintaining my weight so a while back I bought sugar free jujubes from the bulk barn. Tasty little numbers. One drawback eaten in reasonable quantity they cause tremendous GI upset- foul gas, bloating, stomach cramps and diarrhea. The cause is the sugar alcohol-sorbitol. I think you can guess where I am heading with this... Those sneaky little devils found them and had a little feast. Bobby was the culprit (14). He had a bad day at school. Apparently the girls moved their desks away from him.
I am giggling up a storm.... So maybe he has learned not to sneak my treats? And I have learned that there could be a market for preventing teenage sex and or pregnancy by putting sorbitol in my kids food.

Are any Neurons Firing?

It is amusing to watch 14 yr olds putting their heads together and trying to brainstorm. It is a bit chilly at the cottage so they decide they are going to build a Zip line today. They want it to end in the lake. They spent hours coming up with ideas, running out to buy rope. Some of the ideas were insane and I had to kibosh! Attaching it to the bunky as a start point, or my other favorite to the hydro pole! I also liked the insane idea of attaching the end to a canoe in the lake and one boy would be in the canoe or they would anchor it. I have never witnessed anything like it. After 4 hours Jimmy and Matts were mentally done with it, but his two other friends were insisting they finish. It ended in a disaster, no broken bones but it was a one run zip line.....

The hot tub incident

Sleepover Night! Only 3 boys no big deal. They are in the basement playing games and watching movies. It is all very civilized. Until 2 am I wake up to a loud bang! I am a bit confused- am I hearing things. I hear another bang, from outside. I lie in bed and gather my thoughts. Then I decide I should check it out. I walk to the windows, I don't see anything. I walk to the stairs, I hear the boys in the kitchen. I yell down (not going down in my pjs if I have a choice) "you guys are still up?" Yes Mom, we are just getting a snack. No problem I go back to bed. The next morning they are sleeping in and I am puttering around cleaning up. What do I find- wet bathing suits and towels lying on the floor. Ah,Hah! The loud bang was the hot tub. Later I sit down with Jimmy and ask him about it. I figure he just went in with his friends. No, I am so naive. The girls were having a sleepover at another house and they all joined up in my hot tub!!! I think I am going to pass out. I also think I may never want to go in that hot tub again!!!
So we have a discussion, and a core part of that discussion included sex and safety. It also included safety for the girls- how did they get home??? My husband played possum for this discussion-holed up in his office

Teens and Activities

We have always tried to keep the boys active and interested in sports- ski racing, soccer, school teams. The problem is different sports are associated with different levels of prestige at highschool. It is spring and there are not many school teams. Jimmy and Matts join Rugby. The tryouts are hard, the practises are a bit out of their comfort zone, the hours are long. Jimmy and Matts are complaining- they are just not that into it. Matts drops out of Rugby. I don't let Jimmy drop out. He has made a commitment. If he wants to get on teams at University he has to have been on school teams in high school yada, yada. The reality is I also want to keep him engaged in activities and school. Jimmy heads off for full day rugby tournaments with his team and Matts skips off school. So the lesson is keep your boys engaged in school teams and activities. It is not the only answer but it helps....

Homework- Just not that into it

Do any boys complete their homework on a regular basis? This is the bain of my existence.
Jimmy is a smart young man, capable of great marks- if he hands in his homework. Sometimes he completes it and just doesn't hand it in. Other times he doesn't complete it. I have been battling this for a lifetime. I have tried schedules- homework completed right after school before any activities, charts, grounding, priviledges..... I have now decided that like the movie he is just not that into it and until I can find a way for him to internalize how important this is for his future nothing will change. Any ideas????

When did this happen

When did I become Old? When did I get teenage sons? Just yesterday they were babies, little boys on the soccer field? The next thing I know I have to look up to talk with them. They are staying out late at parties. Girl friends.... Jobs....
All of a sudden I realized that time had flown by and had I done the right things. Do they have the right foundations for the choices that they are going to have to make?

Sleepless nights

When they were infants I didn't get sleep. In fact I really didn't get a good night sleep until the boys were around 5 yrs old. Both boys had night terrors. The oldest would wake in the night, screaming and come into our bed. I know, I know but we really needed the sleep. The youngest would wake up screaming, eyes glazed over and you couldn't get through to him, once you did he would sleep in his own bed -most nights. Our solution was to have them share a room. This seemed to work. The 50/50 rule. What ever was scaring them most likely would get the other one first. So finally a good nights sleep. What I never anticipated was what would happen when they are teenagers. I don't sleep. I have to wait up for them to come home. No more going to be at 10:30. Sometimes Jimmy will call and ask if he can stay at a friends for an extra 30 min to finish watching a movie. It is 11:30 at night, but how can I say no when he is being responsible. So back to sleepless nights and looking older than my years. GRRH>>>